This year our team is making big shifts to step more into our purpose to give you the tools and the power to help you dive deeper into healing yourself and feeling your best. Our column, Unraveling, focuses on a new topic each month that we believe is important to address when you’re trying to navigate all the different stages of growth in your life. The purpose of this column is to help you drop the identity of all the programming and conditioning you’ve taken on throughout your life that’s negatively (and often silently) impacting your health and wellbeing on the physical, emotional and energetic layers of your body.
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Ahhhh the people pleaser.
At some point in my life, I took on the role of the people pleaser. Perhaps you can relate?
I can’t recall the exact moment this happened but as I become more conscious of my unconscious thoughts, behaviors, actions, and incentives, I can’t help but wonder what series of events made me think I had to please people to get love and attention.
Here’s what I believe happened.
I saw many women in my life (grandmothers, teachers, my friends’ mothers, sports coaches, and so on) pleasing people and getting love (ex: a hug or attention) in return on many occasions. All of this happened unconsciously in the little mind of mine when I was young and it’s taken me 36 years to realize whoah baby…and I asked myself, “What are you DOING, Amie? Why are you walking on eggshells around everyone making sure they’re not mad at you or making sure they’re happy? That is not your job!”
People pleasing can show up in many ways depending on our past traumas, experiences and situations where we received love and attention for making someone else happy or putting their happiness above our own.
It’s funny because as young women, we’re taught to people please and be kind and courteous and to put others above ourselves and I totally get that – we don’t want to raise a maniac who is rude and reckless. However, the more and more I unpeel the layers of who I thought I was supposed to be and allow who I really am to emerge, I wonder what would happen if we raised women and young girls to actually know their worth and put themselves first. Does that sound selfish?
Probably. Because your beliefs of ‘selfish’ probably came from your mother or grandmother or a teacher or whoever who told you that you were selfish if you took care of yourself and focused on yourself. But, why aren’t we questioning that? I’m questioning it. Do you want to know why?
Because EVERY WOMAN that walks into my office is depleted, holding in gallons of suppressed emotions, and is still unconsciously putting everyone else above her. Seeing this over and over again, it’s made me realize how connected our health and wellbeing is to our emotions, our belief systems and what’s going on unconsciously in our minds. This is something I address in depth in the formula for healing, which is reviewed in full in my upcoming retreats.
How Being ‘the people pleaser’ Affects Your Health
Seeing these clients pour in and out of my office, it’s no wonder they are dealing with very serious health issues such as autoimmune disease and more. When a Western M.D. cannot find the cure to the problem, it’s time for us to look deeper and realize that the root cause of the health issues is not in the CT Scans, bloodwork, etc.
As I will be discussing extensively in my upcoming retreat, the answers are not in those tests. Sure, they may be able to help some people but they sure didn’t help me because the answers were not in my physical body. My answers and your answers are much deeper and sadly our medical profession doesn’t know how to access them. I know this because I went in circles for a decade with my health being told I was “crazy” and that it was all in my head. It’s no surprise those are the clients I attract – the ones who are fed up and exhausted and desperate for answers. These are the women who want to feel better but they’re in their own way and don’t know where to turn.
As I talk about often in my formula, I cannot stress enough how important it is to heal your body on the physical, emotional and energetic layers. Just eating clean and detoxing alone is not going to solve the problem. Will treating the physical body help you? Sure, it will. Until it no longer does, which is what happened with me and is what I see happen for every client at some point because the issues are beyond the physical body.
Let’s Take a Look at ‘the people pleaser’
She can show up in many different ways. For some people, it’s overextending herself to make sure everyone is happy. That was me.
For others, she’s trying to control her own social anxiety around people so she tries to be there for everyone else but herself. That was me.
For some people, she bends over backward because she fears abandonment of friends, lovers, family, friends, colleagues, etc. That was me.
For others, she is the nicest and most helpful person you know and it sometimes can come across as being annoying because people perceive it as inauthentic and fake.
And the list goes on…
What I want you to start to think about is how SHE (the people pleaser) is affecting your life. You may not think she is but SHE IS. Silently and unconsciously she is stripping you, dimming your light, keeping you in a box, keeping you safe and not allowing you to fully express yourself and be yourself because of gallons of unconscious fears that are holding you back.
Can you imagine what all of this is doing for your thyroid and adrenals and hormones? A LOT. It’s spiking your cortisol, spiking your adrenaline, which decreases your progesterone and causes more PMS, weight gain, and the list goes on and on and on.
I could sit here and give you a term paper on the side effects of how powerful the mind is and how it affects your health on a daily basis but that’s not necessary. What I want you to understand is how strong this connection in, despite us being taught by Western medicine that nothing is connected. I will be addressing all of this and so much more as well as how to get out of your own way and remove the blocks keeping you unwell, symptomatic and frustrated with your health in my upcoming retreat. I truly hope to see you there to continue this discussion and help you heal once and for all.
SHOP the STORY
My upcoming Whole Body Transformation Retreat in Santa Cruz, California in August a great place for you to start to dive into understanding these deeper layers of healing and to understand for yourself first-hand that healing is a journey. This retreat is my lowest price point yet, which is a great opportunity for anyone looking to meet me in person and understand the missing pieces keeping you unwell.
Share your thoughts
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I absolutely resonate with this. This read helped me acknowledge the people pleaser within me and take back my spot.
So glad this resonated with you! Big hugs xx