What I Never Learned About Self-Care & Wellness

We constantly read all about what a ‘Healthy lifestyle’ should be in magazines and books….we hear terms like ‘Emotional health’ over and over again. But what do these really mean? What IS a healthy lifestyle and what IS emotional health?

I got to thinking the other day about all of this because the last few years I can barely turn on a TV or open a magazine without being bombarded by toxic Clorox commercials or arsenic filled Lancome advertisements. After detoxing my mind, my cleaning products, my beauty products, all my personal care products and my food, I tune out all of this noise and rarely notice it anymore. But what really shocks me is that 10 years ago, heck even 5 years ago, I didn’t have a dittily squat clue as to what a toxin was, what a pesticide did to our bodies and what it really meant to take care of yourself and be ‘well’.

Why didn’t I learn any of this in college? Why didn’t anyone tell me about all of these toxins and everything that was bombarding me daily (makeup, shampoo, face wash, toothpaste, food, clothes, etc.) were getting into my bloodstream and making me SICK? Why why why?

I feel like I could have avoided loosing years of my life to being ill in bed and hundreds of thousands of dollars on medical bills if I knew a pinch of what I know now.

Why is it that we’re not taught how to take care of ourselves?

My parents are amazing and were incredible parents throughout my childhood, however, I was never taught that ‘downtime’ was good and getting a manicure or massage was a form of self care. I was brought up like a tough cookie- played sports- got into a great college, got fabulous grades, studied hard, worked hard, pushed, pushed, pushed and pushed more….until at 25 my body said ‘no more pushing, missy….you’re going to get sick so you learn how to really take care of yourself.’

I feel like the first 30 years of my life I pushed for everything from making varsity sports my freshman year in high school to getting into business school and working at prestigious top corporate jobs. I did everything I could to move up the ladder. But last year I stopped pushing because pushing wasn’t getting me anywhere; I started to trust the power of the universe to help heal my body and steer me in the direction my life was meant to be.

I went to bed when I was tired instead of pushing myself another 3 hours to create an ebook. I woke up without an alarm so I was giving my body the time it needed to rest instead of setting it for 6am, going to the gym and getting right to work. I made my meals on nice dishes and sat down away from my computer to eat instead of shoveling zucchini and hummus in my mouth while typing. I took time off of social media instead of responding to everything every 5 seconds. I started yoga. I started meditating. I started taking daily Epsom Salt Baths. I started getting quiet and listening instead of pushing and forcing things. And guess what? I felt like a new person. I trusted that whatever was going to come to me, whether it be work or a man or a vacation, was going to come when it was time. I started to trust time. I started to believe not only in LETTING GO but releasing the pressure I put on myself the last 32 years of my life. Why was I raised to be pushed to score all the goals in soccer, to get into the best collage, to never get time to stop and sit and think and rest? Why? Why is our society so stuck on making everything so perfect and why can’t we all just ‘BE’?

I have to tell you….once I started just ‘being’ and letting go of the expected outcome, life became a whole lot more delicious and fabulous and blissful. I no longer had the pressure on myself to do everything and go to every event and say yes to everyone and do things I didn’t want to do. I slept-in on weekends, I went to bed at 10 PM, got into bed at 8PM and read a book (I can’t remember the last time I did that- maybe 5th grade!). I turned off my computer at 8PM and didn’t feel guilty if I still had unopened emails in my inbox, I kept my phone on silent all day and all night because the bells and whistles of smartphones were driving me crazy every time I got a new email or text or Instagram or Tweet or FB message or blog comment or phone call, my phone would whistle a new jingle and honestly, I couldn’t deal. Ha. So, my life is pure silence which might sound crazy since I live in Manhattan, however I keep things very simple and I’m on my schedule now and life has gotten so much better and I feel free. Free from the pressure from thinking about and seeing what everyone else is doing, pressure from family or friends, pressure from myself….it’s all gone.

Now, when I get into bed….I giggle like I’m 5 years old and get cozy and wrap myself in my blankets and smile because all those years of going to bed with pressure and stress on me just added up and didn’t help me or my immune system one bit.

The first 30 years of my life were nuts. chaos. stress. everything I thought I wanted but I honestly really didn’t want and don’t want. Once I got real with myself, got quiet, found time to think about what makes ME happy is when I saw a huge shift in my well-being, self-care and health. I’m grateful for having learned these lessons at the age of 32 because I see so many people my age and older who are still stressed to the max about everything and it’s not helping their health whatsoever. I know we’ve all got stressors in our lives but we do have the choice to look at things differently and find ways to relieve your stress. Trust me. You’ll feel well rested, relieved and finally feel like you’re breathing again. Breathe from that belly, not the chest! This will get your paraympathetic nervous system (your rest n’ relax mode nervous system) to take charge of your sympathetic nervous system (your stressed out fight or flight mode nervous system) and signal your body to decompress. Try this a few times a day; put your hands on your belly and breathe. You can do it. I know you can…..take this as your first step for teaching yourself self love, self care and wellness. Because you deserve it.

{and, a little itty bitty side note}: if I don’t respond to your email or text or comment right away…don’t fret. I’ll find you and get to you. But I’m probably in the bath tub or in bed taking care of myself.


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  1. Love this, and so true. I never learned either, so what a blessing you’ve learned while so young. Glad you’re sharing with the world. Thank you.

  2. What a great article! I stumbled across your website and am so thankful I did, it’s become my go-to resource on my journey to real health and well-being. Thank you for sharing your wealth of knowledge!

  3. Oh Amie this just resonated with me soooooo much! Last night (Saturday in the UK) I was all set for a castor oil pack, epsom salt bath and an early night when I ended up going out not because I wanted to but because everyone else’s girlfriends were out too and I thought it would look weird if I didn’t. Learning to say no can be so hard trying not to stick out but wanting to be doing something other than getting drunk! And I just sat there being the only one not drinking wishing I was at home! But no one goes hey it’s Saturday night wanna meet up meditate and have a super healthy meal and an early night? Haha 🙂