After reading the two previous featured articles in this series, by now you are starting to have awareness over your Upper Limits that hold you back. We all have them and as we mentioned in the last article, awareness is the first key step to breaking these limitations down and dismantling them. The next step is to find how and why we limit ourselves so that we can identify the barrier in our life and transcend them so we can move forward.
What most of us don’t realize is that we carry around a bunch of unconscious ideas of how happy we can be and psychologist (and best-selling author) Gay Hendricks, PhD talks a lot about Upper Limits and how we can learn to identify our self-imposed limitations to live the life we’re meant to be living.
After diving into the mind-body connection, emotions, trauma, the unconsious mind and neuroscience throughout the last five years, I’ve seen a level of healng in my body that was far too profound to not talk about with all of you. Yes, sure food can help you. Eat more kale and walnuts, take your vitamins, move your body, yada yada. But, the missing link that I believe is keeping people unwell and symptomatic is what’s lurking unconsciously in their mind from their past.
They’re stuck without even realizing it because they’re in their own way.
We can’t even see what’s blocking us from our potential whether it’s our health or our career or anything else for that matter.
This was shocking to me and a HUGE light bulb when off when I stumbled across this information through the hours of research, reading and working with healers, Shamans and many forms of energy work. No, I’ve never done therapy- maybe someday I will but I’m very unconventional and I chose to go another route and discover myself through different means (the suppressed energetic level of the body). For you, therapy may feel like the right move and if so, that’s amazing. We are all different and we’ve all been through drastically different experiences so you’ve gotta listen to your intuition and follow what feels good to you and your body. That’s KEY for healing. More on that later…
You see when we’re young (as I mention in Part II of this series), we are being programmed by everything outside of us. We’re in the subconscious theta brain wave state ages 0-7 and we’re a sponge, meaning we absorb everything we see and hear and feel because we don’t get know what’s really going on via TV, media, our caregivers, teachers, friends, etc. At the ripe age of 7, we move out of the theta brain wave state and into a more conscious state, which means our subconscious is pretty much locked and stored away for the rest of our life.
What many people don’t realize (and what I work very closely with my clients on) is getting to the subconscious mind to discover what’s lurking in there that’s playing out in our lives without our conscious awareness. 95% of all brain activity is subconscious, which means that our subconscious mind runs 95% of the show while our conscious mind only runs 5%. Think about how powerful that is. So, what you’re thinking about consciously right now is only 5% of the whole show going on in your head because there is another 95% that’s overpowering it and actually in charge of our habitual patterns, habits and thoughts. So, if you think positive for a little bit throughout your day to try to “improve your life”, the rest of the day you’re lost in your subconscious mind on autopilot and the conscious mind can’t compete with this.
Have you ever wanted to stop a habit and found it hard to do so no matter how positive you were or how much positive thinking you forced yourself to do? That’s because your subconscious mind was in the way self-sabotaging you from shifting that habit with its power that feels much different than you do consciously and doesn’t want to break that habit because well, it’s safe and the brain does not like change.
What this leads to is your conscious mind and subconscious mind being out of alignment, meaning, your life cannot work for you, your desires cannot manifest, you cannot create what you consciously want to experience because 95% of the time, your conscious mind is not in charge. This is where the work begins as we start to realize we are the creators of our lives because we’re the only ones in our own way. When we’re armed with this knowledge and inner power, we can start to align our conscious mind and subconscious mind to manifest what we truly desire from deep within us. If you’re coming to one of my retreats or if you’re signed up for our retreat in North Carolina next month, you’re in luck because we’ll be walking through all of this material for three days and I’ll be sharing The Valpone Method™: how to access what’s holding us back subconsciously from healing while transforming yourself.
For now, I want you to familiarize yourself with the baby steps so you can become aware of some of the unconscious things you’re doing in your life that are keeping you from healing and everything you want.
When we start to see our own unconscious patterns of how we’re self-sabotaging ourselves, it becomes obvious to us that we may be eating healthy and working out for a few weeks then maybe we binge and feel bloated and blah and we have no idea why we did this to ourselves. Or maybe we’re always picking fights with other people so that we can play the ‘victim’ role and have others feel bad for us so that we get love and sympathy from them. I was guilty of the latter always wanting love from people and romantic relationships and I’d want to fight so that we could make up and I would get a hug (to reinforce that I was loved). I had no idea I was doing any of this and I started to become aware of all of these patterns myself.
We all have an Upper Limit, as Hendricks calls it for how much love, creativity, and success we allow ourselves to enjoy.
This gets programmed in early childhood and guess where it’s hiding? Yep, you guessed it. In the subconscious mind, which is why talk therapy (which uses your conscious mind) isn’t helping you reprogram and install new patterns. This is KEY to healing and I’ve seen remarkable results in my clients and myself.
Again, I cannot stress enough about how important Self-Awareness is here. That is what’s going to help you start to identify these patterns.
There are four hidden barriers with the Upper Limit Problem and they have a lot in common: they all SEEM very real but they are based on false beliefs and fears about ourselves. This is just an illusion because these beliefs and fears are NOT true; they are made up in our head. They seem real but they’re not true. They’re false limiting beliefs that we’re carrying around! So much of this will be covered in my upcoming retreat and of course, if you’re working with me one-on-one you know this is a huge part of the healing journey!
The 4 Upper Limit Barriers
Barrier 1 || Feeling Fundamentally Flawed.
We believe and think and feel we are flawed at our core and that we may fail if we use the unique gifts we have in life and actually listen to ourselves and trust ourselves with our health and chose alternative healing methods because we’ve been programmed to believe Western medicine is the only way.
Barrier 2 || Abandonment and Disloyalty.
We are afraid of being alone and abandoned we believe that if we chose another set of beliefs such as alternative medicine or if we stop drinking or start eating healthy that our family, spouse, co-workers will make fun of us and exclude us and not love us anymore because we’re “different”
Barrier 3 || Believing You’re a Burden.
This goes without saying. We think we’re a burden to others if we actually do follow our heart and do what we know is the right thing to do.
Barrier 4 || Outshining.
Ahhhh we know this far too well and it certainly has to do with healing-not just our career or dating or anything else. When we’re unwell, we bond with others who are unwell and when we start to heal and feel better and others do not, we start to feel shame and guilt and like we’re doing something wrong even though we know deep down inside this is what we want and have been wanting for so long!
Knowing these four barriers, start paying attention to where you are worrying and where you are blaming and criticising yourself and others.
Become an observer of when you’re critical and when you hear and feel critical statements coming out of your mouth or when they pop up in your mind. Start to have awareness for them and identify them and ask yourself what you’re believing. Is it true what you’re believing or did you pick this up from the media, caregivers, parents, friends, teachers, social media etc. in your past? Chances are, it’s the latter.
Diving deeper into yourself to discover these barriers to health and happiness and success and everything that you want will allow you to start seeing all the ways you’re limiting yourself and holding yourself back from what you want to experience in life.
When you are finally willing to be true to yourself and willing to look at all the beliefs blocking you from the future you desire, you no longer have to hang out with the part of you that tells you to play small, be safe, and sell out because you’re ready for a new future that’s nothing like your past.