“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma- which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.”
It’s a big deal.
Years ago when I thought of the word ‘trust’, I always thought about how I trust my friends and family and that’s how I considered them good friends. But I never thought about using the word ‘trust’ on myself. For what? I didn’t even know that was possible. I did what doctors told me to do. Growing up I did what my parents told me to do, what teachers told me to do, what my elders told me to do and I never stopped for a minute to even think about any of this. Like, “Hey, Amie, does this feel good to you?” That question never crossed my mind. Never ever ever. So, why not?
I wasn’t taught how to trust myself. Were you?
Were any of us?
Probably not. Unless you parents actually trusted themselves enough to explain to you how to trust YOURSELF.
The rest of us are left trusting authorities outside of us and doing whatever they say. Take this pill, take this supplement, do this, do that, don’t do this, don’t do that. And so forth. I listened to it all for about 30 years. Then I hit like 3 big ass walls and fell flat on my freaking face unable to move and chronically sick and I realized, hey, it’s time to trust ME and to start doing what feels good to me because my body is not like the other millions of patients out there. My symptoms were never the ‘listed symptoms’ on apps or websites or in books. My health issues were ‘unexplainable’ so everyone just kept guessing. “Looks like you have this, Amie.” “Try this, Amie.” “Do this now Amie.” And so forth. Well, that got old really fast. Wanna know why?
Because it did NOT work for me.
It works for many other people, Many others. They take a pill and they’re better or they take a supplement and they’re healed or they cut out gluten and they’re 100%. Not me. It took me 10 years of trial and error; trying everything I could to get some sort of relief. And nothing really worked until I stopped listening to everyone outside of myself and started doing what felt good to me. I stopped reading blogs, I stopped reading medical books, I stopped listening to what everyone else was ‘doing’ and was telling me to do to heal because, honestly, they weren’t in my body. They had no idea what was really going on. And since my situation was so complicated, I had to fall on my face numerous times after trying quick fixes to learn my lesson to stop, slow down, get quiet with myself and start to listen to what felt good. That, my friends, is how you learn to trust yourself.
Trust Your Life.
Life is wild. It’s a journey. Two years ago when my doctor overdosed me on progesterone cream I thought I was dying. Literally dying. I was in bed for 4 months with muscle pain and candida so bad that I couldn’t move. I had insomnia, night sweats, day sweats, chronic migraines, ammonia smells coming out of every opening in my body, about 70 pounds of fluid/weight added onto my body, facial hair, cramps, bloating and so much more. SO much more. It was something out of a movie. I had to be on an anti-fungal that was given only to cancer/AIDS patients because my candida was so out of control in my gut from the high dose of hormones the doctor gave me. The anti-fungal was $400/week and I was on it for 4 months. The max dose was 2 pills a day and my doctor had me on 32 pills a day. YES, that is how bad my candida was. 32 pills a day for 4 months at $400/week. Don’t try to calculate that; it’s sad.
Anyway, that’s just an idea of what was going on. After that I spent the next two years trying to get my hormonal system back on track through ONLY energy work, which was incredible because my body was reacting so badly to any hormonal balancing supplements. I cried a lot. I was in so much pain. I felt like I was dying, yet something started to shift in me. Something covered me up like a blanket and hugged me. I remember crying so hard in bed and squeezing my pillow for a hug and praying for relief and asking “WHY WHY WHY ME?” I don’t know what shifted in me but something started to change the way I looked at what I was going through. I started to trust. I started to open my eyes to the messages that were being shown to me everyday and I followed them. I felt like I was in a story book with some of the things that called my attention and then I went ahead and did them and felt relief. This made me feel like I was being guided. By what? I don’t know. Some power greater than myself but I honestly have no idea how any of it happened. Sometimes I pinched myself to make sure I wasn’t sleeping. It was the signs to do things I would have never thought of doing that I followed and they led me to someone else who led me to something else who led me to a book who lead me to a new friend who introduced me to someone who told me about their herbalist or acupuncturist etc etc etc. It was like this beautiful synergistic flow. And that’s just what I did.
I found my flow.
I got into a flow without even knowing what the heck it meant to ‘flow’.
Getting into the Flow.
I had no idea what the heck a ‘flow’ was until I was in it. And one day someone called me and asked, “How are you? How’s life?” And all of a sudden these words came out of my mouth: “Life is good, I feel like everything is flowing and leading me to exactly what I need to know to heal.” They clearly had no idea what I was talking about (and I don’t blame them because when you’re not going through something like this, you really can’t understand and that’s okay! But I just giggled to myself. Even though I was still dealing with lots of health issues, I smiled and then hung up and cried because without even thinking of saying to her “I’m being guided”, my mouth just said it. The words “My life is flowing” just poured out of my mouth and from that moment on I’ve had a smile on my face knowing that whatever is meant for me will always find me. Always, I don’t know when and I don’t know how but I just know. It might be next week. It might be next year and it might not. But why not life in the joyful expectancy of life instead of having anxiety of what might happen?
Here’s what I know for sure. Life’s too short to worry. Live each day like it’s your last. Giggle more, smile more, have fun, pretend you’re a kid again and get back into the flow that your body wants you in. Get off the treadmill, stop counting calories and let yourself flow.
You don’t need to know how to do it. Just set the intention and watch yourself as you slowly start to flow with life.
Lots of love,