It’s been over a year now that I’ve learned how to slow down my life, focus on personal growth, self development, finding what makes me happy and doing work on myself instead of worrying about everyone else.
Having a relapse of health issues in July of 2014 made me pause—I mean really, really pause and STOP for the first time in my life, despite years of other major health issues. I landed in bed for 6 months with no answers and way too much physical pain to function. Now when I look back on 2014 and the beginning of 2015 when I was healing from another dose of Lyme, awful Candida that sparked chronic muscle issues and exhaustion, I’ve realized that was a lesson…another lesson on my journey. Did it cost me thousands of dollars to figure out my problem and heal? Yep. Did it take me ANOTHER year to heal? Yep. Did I cry? You betcha. Did I want to give up? Ummmm, yes. But I didn’t. I learned how to sit in stillness, lay in my bed and listen to meditations and other spiritual videos that made me realize (as clear as day) our society’s tendency to move at lightning speed and intensity without pausing. EVER.
When I worked at VOGUE and Ralph Lauren and the NBA I never stopped. EVER. EVER. EVER. When I was a kid; I never ever ever ever ever stopped- I was signed up for and pushed into every sport, club, etc….and I never let my body heal. Now that I look back on all those years where I took my body for granted, I can’t believe the amazing work my body has done to keep me healthy and alive. It’s also no wonder how I got sick at the ripe age of 25. But all that is over and I’m not blaming anyone. My parent’s did the best they could. I did the best I knew and that’s why it’s not about looking into the past-it’s about focusing on the present, stopping and taking a breathe or two or three and pausing and NOT feeling guilty about it.
Why is it that in my 20’s and early 30’s I never took a step back to appreciate where I’ve come? Why? Did I not think I was worthy? Did I not think I was good enough? Whatever the reason- I’ve stopped feeling guilty, stopped pushing myself beyond my limit, stopped saying YES to everyone and everything and just allowed myself to enjoy this journey, called life.
We’re not put here to push ourselves to the extreme and stress ourselves out and cause drama. We’re here to enjoy our journeys. When I was younger, I remember my parents stressing out, which then stressed me out and I don’t know if that stress ever actually left me until recently. Again, it’s no one’s fault- we all have our ‘stuff’, right? Everyone carries stuff from their childhood whether it’s conscious or subconscious and it’s a part of growing up and getting older to take a back seat- look at all that ‘stuff’ and try to move past it without letting it eat away at you.
So, this week…do me a teeny favor, k?
Allow yourself to enjoy the journey.
Our lives aren’t about a specific destination; they’re merely about what we learn along the way.