As I go deeper and deeper into my healing, I’m shifting so much and waking up to the beauty of life in so many magical ways that I want to keep sharing with you what I’m learning and how I’m continuing to live my best life after all my body has been through.
The herb sage (as shown in the image above from my farmers market) has been known for centuries for its culinary and medicinal qualities; the botanical name comes from the Latin word “salvere,” meaning “to be saved.” I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to be saved and to heal and to be cured and to be well. They all have different meanings. I was speaking with a woman last week who questioned me as to why I still do “so much” to take care of myself. She said, “I thought you were healed? So, why are you doing all of these things to take care of yourself?” I told her, once your balloon pops, you will always, always, always have to take care of yourself. You can’t just go back to eating gluten and dairy and drinking alcohol and expect your body and your immune system to be able to handle that. That’s simply just not how it works. Healing is a lifestyle change and honestly, I’d NEVER go back to gluten or dairy or alcohol or any other inflammatory food because I now realize what those foods have done to my body.
We ALL have triggers.
SOMETHING always triggers something in the body to react. Either it’s the pollen outside that’s causing you to get allergies or a parasite that you got from drinking a raw green juice that caused your autoimmune issues or a really intense, angry parent who made you cry and have breakdowns as a child. We all have triggers. We’re just not quiet enough with ourselves to actually sit back and think, “Hey, what caused this?”
Let me give you my honest answer about what I’m referring to as ‘Your Balloon” in a way that makes you understand ‘healing’ as simple as possible. Think of your life and your body as a balloon. A big, blown up balloon. Throughout your life, you hit bumps, you have heartbreaks, you loose people you love, you catch colds, you may eat a food that gives you a parasite, you deal with traumas, etc. All of these things press up against the balloon and there are some people who’s whole life they’ve been sailing along and their balloon has been pressed here and there- sometimes pressed harder than other times, but their balloon doesn’t pop. Or perhaps it pops when they’re 50 or 60 year sold in the form of a health issue. For the rest of us, something….some trauma, some food, some parasite, some accident, some breakup, some heartbreak, some traumatic moment pops our balloon. For me, it was my college breakup. I had no idea that my college breakup shut me completely off until 6 months ago. I was on a date with a lovely man who was telling me about his sister who had just gone through years of health issues and I asked what the trigger was and he said, “A breakup with a man she loved.” BOOM. I almost couldn’t talk. “OMG”, I said to myself. That was it. Wow. #MindBlown
Thirteen years ago when I was a junior in college, I was dating a man I thought I was in love with. Obviously, now I realize it wasn’t love however at the time, I was too young to realize what was really going on until I started listening to my gut. It’s funny how now that I look back on those days, my intuition told me something wasn’t right towards the end of our relationship. I’m not going to go into details here because they’re not important. The important point to make is that after I broke up with him because my intuition knew something was off (and I was correct), I shut down. I mean, SHUT the heck down. Like, good-bye Amie. Funny thing is that on the outside, you probably wouldn’t have realized it aside from the fact that I was very thin. I started isolating myself, I ate alone, I went for walks alone, I did everything alone and shut myself off from the world because the outside world was “too scary” to me. So, in order to feel safe, I shut myself off and somehow kept going. I don’t remember crying or releasing the pain I felt inside my heart- heck, the pain I felt inside my entire body after that breakup because I was tough. I was a little warrior, just like I was trained to be growing up. I didn’t express my feelings. I didn’t give myself time to ‘feel’ anything. I just numbed myself out with school work and studying and don’t really remember anything else. Fast forward a few months to after I graduated college, moved to NYC and worked in three very intense corporate environments (Ralph Lauren, VOGUE, and the NBA) and I shut down even more. I had some amazing bosses but others that completely tore me apart inside, called me ‘Stupid’ and ‘Dumb’ and I was left feeling like a piece of garbage. I don’t even recall feeling anything. I was numb.
Then, my balloon popped again and I got sick.
And you all know that whole story. 10 years in and out of the best hospitals in the country, 500 doctors later and more trauma then I can even begin to tell you about.
So, why am I telling you all of this?
Not for you to feel bad for me. Heck no.
I’m telling you this because the last 2 years I have not been working with doctors. I’ve been doing ONLY energy work (acupuncture, meditation, yoga, body work, etc etc–more to come on all of this), and my blood work is perfect for the first time since I was a kid. Why? Because I needed hands on help. I needed energy work. All the supplements and organic food in the world couldn’t save me UNTIL I healed my nervous system, released traumas and started to thaw myself out and de-frost from being frozen all those years. There’s so much more that I’ll be sharing about all of this with you but for now, this is enough.
Just know this.
There is more beyond a pill. Your body is PURE energy. You need to also focus on the energetic side of your body to heal traumas and emotions that are trapped in the body (something I NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER believed until I saw it happen to me and I felt like a new person). When our emotions aren’t dealt with they become trapped energy in our body because, well, emotions are ENERGY IN MOTION. So, where do they go? Well, because our conscious mind can’t handle them (ex: we feel shame and it’s too painful for us to feel this emotion so we push it down and ignore it), these emotions get repressed into the subconscious mind and become our lens for how we see life.
This is what starts to get our mind and body out of whack because when energy cannot flow properly in our body, it leads to physical, emotional and energetic blocks that appear as physical symptoms, self-sabotaging behaviors, unconscious reactions and so forth. When your energy is blocked, you can think of this in terms of a pocket of blocked (stuck) energy that you didn’t allow yourself to feel as an emotion at some point in your life (hence why energy work and energy medicine are so powerful in releasing these blocks). This pocket of energy that you never allowed your self to feel–that you shoved down because that shame was too painful to touch– is now subconscious and completely out of your awareness. Your subconscious governs 95% of the whole show of your brain activity and it’s in charge of the feeling part of you so positive thinking using your conscious mind (the other 5%) is not going to release these pockets of trapped energy. This is what creates disease, imbalance and disconnects us from realizing we are powerful when we understand how our brain works and how we are in charge of creating our lives-not anyone else.
Skeptical of energy? Listen to this. When you go to a hospital, they take your blood but that can’t tell them if you’re going to have a heart attack. So what do they do? They put a monitor on you and READ your energy and do an EKG or something else to read your body’s energy. YES. We’ve all been there. Hooked up to something in a hospital that is reading our body. It’s energy. It took me 10 years to dive into this side of healing but let me tell you, once you heal on the energetic level, every supplement, every food, every movement will be able to do the job it can do. I’m living proof.
So, my question to you is, “What WAS your trigger?” OR “What is ABOUT to be your trigger if you do not change your life?”
Think about it.
Get quiet with yourself and sit with it. You know what to do. Trust yourself. You’ve got all the answers you need inside of yourself.
Sending you all so much love.
I hope this inspires you to take a deeper look at what’s really going on in your body and what your symptoms are trying to tell you.